PATHOS

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(Illustration by Rien Poortvliet)

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There is something poetic
about my death
Something outrageously beautiful
about my very last breath.


Audaciously sad,
this longing to grieve
my own pain
rejoicing at the thought of others
mourning in vain.

I am curious
about this suffering
I and they
will have to endure.



But to draw any conclusions
at this stage
would be premature.

OUR EYES

Our eyes
tell the happiness we share
when they smile together.
And I can feel you feel
my smile is brighter
when you are there.

THE SKY IS THE LIMIT

Yes, my house
is falling apart.
They said it was unwise
to stay inside
but I don’t consider myself
that smart...

Besides,
where else
am I going to fall sleep
whilst watching the stars?
Why should I come
down to Earth
when I can live in Mars?

Others see curtains,
stained glass
and sorrow
when they gaze at their windows
from the outside.
But I see infinity
in shades of blue
I am happy and free
When I come home to you.

A SHADOW

(Beautiful drawing by Rien Poortvliet)




Who's there?
What do you want?
The morning mist
confuses my eyes.

How do I know
In this strange light
Whether you're friend
or foe,
whether you've come to help
or fight?

Cute and helpless

Cute little helpless creatures, we say.
And we tend to forget that we, also,
In our own complicated way,
may not be exactly cute
but are definitely as helpless, today,
as when science and religion were mute.

Damp feelings

(watercolour by Rien Poortvliet)


The rain has come down upon the earth
And turned my home into a dirty pool.
The world is now a sad, smelly place
The grey clouds seem to me so cruel.

I look around and sigh, feeling vaguely sick
The ground is soft, but treacherous and cold,
Is this a plot against me? Who played this dirty trick?
My strength is gone, I must have grown old.

WORDLESSNESS

Not that I am not thinking
Not that life is passing me by
Not that I don’t want to share
Things that make me smile and cry


But I have come down
With a strange illness
My tired brain is dumb
In a kind of verbal stillness


I think and feel it all,
From excitement to sadness
But I can’t seem to express it
I’ve been struck by wordlessness.

Restlessness

Restless, restless,

My heart runs along,
while my soul finds no song to sing.

Restless, restless,
My heart runs on,
Not knowing it has a broken wing.

Faster, forward,
Sometimes looking back,
Tripping over stones of loss and sorrow,
Humming to itself, carrying the weight
Of the grudge against my soul
Who finds no song and no reason
To run along with him.
(She knows she has no wings...)

Restless, restless,
He sings. But his song lacks
The power and the grace
To make him fly

And so he must die.
(1995)

TIMEFRAME

Maybe if I put a frame
around this moment
Time will stop.
Maybe if I sit still
If I don’t talk
Things will stay the same.

Maybe if shut my eyes
You’ll be here

Maybe in disguise
You can come near.

MISGROWN

How can you tell
that you’re grown up?
Do you one day
simply wake up
and say
that’s it,
no more dolls for me?

Do you start wearing heels
and being sexy?
And making up
And making out?

And what if you never
- throughout your life -
find out what growing
is all about?

GENTLE BIRD

Gentle bird,
Please bring me down to earth!
Flying so high
With you
Is a dream
Come true;
But I am dizzy now,
My lover awaits me,
I’ve been gone too long.

So bring me back
From the sky
Down to light grey
From bright blue.

Literal happiness

We read and write
day and night,
we communicate
with each other
and ourselves.
Book upon book,
our lives
are gathered
on our shelves.

The words we bear
and bring to light,
the dreams we share,
the wrongs made right
all seem to have one purpose,
at least to me:
to make us feel alive
and close together
to make us both feel happy
and free.

Lost in thought

I could be mistaken
I could be foolish or crazy
I could be wise, maybe,
Or simply lazy


But I would love to get lost
inside your head.

The wise and the wild

I feel wild
when I go against the flow
to be me...
I feel irrationally free.

But you seem wise
when you do the same;
You don’t seem to get burned
By the flame.

Wisdom, my friend,
Is your valuable shield.
But I hope that,
When I come near,
You will yield.

SOUL MATES

There’s an inexplicable
Incredible
Ineffable
feeling
Inside.

I feel like the sand
being constantly
smoothly
lovingly
bathed
by the tide.

It is all in my head,
you say,
and I know,
but, my dear friend,
even so,
I’d rather
rejoice with a fulfilling dream
than achieve a wise,
frustrating thought.

HAND IN HAND

Ours
is the joy
Ours
the grief
Ours the dream
and the belief.

Ours to split
Ours to share
Ours forever
Here and there.

EASY

It would have been so easy
just lying there, gazing
at the different hues
of the greens
and the browns
and the blues...

Oh, life would be so easy
If only I could choose.

BY THE SHORE

Out there, by the shore,
There’s an infinity of paths
For us to explore.

Out there we shall walk
We shall wander, hands entwined,
And we don’t need to talk.

I want to take you there
Kiss you there
and tell you,
with our bare feet
buried in the sand,
That I can be your best lover
as well as your best friend.

THE FOOLISH WISE POET AND MY GRANDPARENTS

They are not fools,
as Larkin said.
They are just fading
withering slowly
and perhaps,
yes,
going slightly mad.


They have come to a point
when their minds alone
can help them forget
what’s become of them
and, worse,
what’s coming!...
but they’re not fools
made of skin and bone.


You’re right, though,
“we shall find out”
But you,
old fool,
you’re already just the shadow
of a doubt.

to a good student

You were just another someone
And yet
I liked you more than the others.

You were keen and sharp
And oh, so handsome...
It was a pleasure
- a privilege -
To have you there,
Staring at me.

Now you’ve given up
And gone away
I wonder...
Could I have made you stay?

APRIL FOOLS

We think Spring
has come to stay
and the rain
has gone away.
We feel happy
and warm
and free,
I love you
and you love me.

LIVING IN A BOX

I’m living in a box
and I don’t mind;
I don’t look at it much
from the outside.

I’m living in a box
but that’s ok,
‘cause when the door locks
I do things my way.

I’m living in a box
which is all right:
all houses are equal
when you sleep at night.

I’m living in a box
and that’s terrific
‘cause when I die
I know I won’t miss it.

SUICIDAL NOTE

Here I am,
living.
Using my time,
in this life,
somehow.

I guess
that if I was meant
to be a genius
I would have known
by now.

BLUE

Blue is the water
That catches my eye
Today is a good day to cry.

Blue is the distance
Between you and I
No day is a good day to ask why.

Blue is the feeling
Grey is the sky
Today is a good day to die.

PROUDLY WRONG

You came
into my life, like a blessing,
and I did nothing
but moan

You offered
to listen and give me advice
but I insisted
in being alone

You left
because I wouldn’t change
so, I cried in despair
and said you were unfair...
But it’s strange:
I have always known
that I’d stay on my own.

HELPLESSNESS

I've just been left here,

that's what it feels like.

Won't somebody come

and pick me up?

Please?

Now?

THE HUG

there was a huge silence.
no words were ever invented
to express our joy
and relief.

I gave in at last
allowed myself to shun the past
and the world was within us
for a moment
although it was brief.

A Serpente

Sai da sombra
a serpente subtil
e segue, sibilante,
o seu caminho.

Sabe que, se avançar
sorrateira, sem som,
há-de surpreender
algum ratinho.

Sempre solitária
serpenteando, sensual,
sobre o sedoso capim,
suave e serena,
será sempre assim.

Rio

Marvellous city
where the poor are kings
in a strange way
and the rich are scared
and keep themselves at bay,
Amazing town
where nature rules
and Christ too,
where we, tourists, are fools:

I am in love with you.

THE GIFT

She gave me a kiss
on my birthday.
Said it was special,
a gift to remember.

It felt like such bliss
I didn’t know what to say,
as if the beauty of May
had come back in November.

YELLOW BRICK ROAD

Photo by Papel Químico

Place I’ve never been
Sight I’ve never seen
Colourful walls
I am waiting to touch
Cheerful gravel paths
I want to walk so much...
Stay,
Hold your beauty!
I’m on my way.

AFTERTHOUGHT

How hard it was
for me to listen
and not be able to speak.

How sad I felt,
how disappointed,
for hiding, with no one to seek.

How awkward
that you should want to read
but not hear...
and continue so far
when near.

COBBLED THOUGHTS

Neat-looking
but insanely bound.
It takes a strong hoe
to crush the weeds
that grow between them,
to make them seem sound.

Lucid Lullaby

The wind is mad
The land is sore
The sea is dead
The birds will sing
No more.


Tell me when the end will come,
Tell me who will survive.

Let the truth lull me to sleep,
And then keep me alive.

COMPANY

I chose to wander
without a compass
because
- I claimed -
there was more beauty
in the unknown.


But you followed
with your good sense
because
- you explained -
the woods are dangerous
if you walk alone.

CHAOS

Flickering deadly lights
And the sound of thunder
In my mind.

Restless winds moaning
And sweeping my thoughts way
Reason gone for the day
Passion ruling the house
Virtue with her hands on her head
And the cat
Poisoned by the mouse.

Prayers forgotten, and God
thought of as some stranger
Revenge blinded by pride
And pride by pain
Words erased by anger
Constancy insane.


Oh, how would it turn out to be
If you weren’t here with me?

TO A GOOD WRITER

How can I love you and why?
You are but a collection
Of infinite writings
And love is far too strong a word.

Amazing, how you say the right things!
You ‘re a distant, invisible man,
A voice I’ve never heard.

How come I feel so excited
When you tell me what you think, or do?
I don’t know why I love you so
But it’s true:
I am relieved, like a caged bird,
When I open a message from you.