I should've

That evening
when you opened a ladder
so I could climb it
and pick the remaining plums
from your tree
in the dusk

when we watered your garden
together
after you got my sandals
totally soaked
and then I pointed the hose
at your shorts
in revenge

when you picked
Chinese lanterns
for me
and I took them in my hand
to taste them politely

and when you
caressed my arm
while I lay
against your chest
as I confessed
the obvious,
oblivious of the game
we played...

I should've fallen
to the ground
so you would pick me up
and lay me to rest
on that hammock
of yours

I should've stayed.

I should've
let you soak
the whole of me

I should've
eaten the fruit
off your hand
and licked your fingers
in the end

I should've
been bold
and wild
and free

I should've
had you
and let you
have me.

Ideally

Inevitably
commotion and disruption have to exist:
chaos needs to take over
and precede tranquility
all beauty stems from a beast.


Inadvertently
I brough chaos upon my life
by summoning
your ghostly presence
from the sleeping past

but you decided to commit the crime of theft:
you took my own tranquility elsewhere
hence there is no right
to where I am now left.

Ideally
I will wait quietly for 27 years
Just like you waited quietly
27 years before.

I will be patient
even though I suffer immensely
and long desperately
for more.

Ideally
You will return,
bring chaos back,
and thrust my rotten peace
with your shining silver spear.

Gratefully
I will welcome
the pain and insecurity,
and despise tranquility itself
just as long
as you stay here.

Icarus

He was not a god
but who cares -
people think he was
and that is all that matters,
along with the fact,
of course,
that he messed up
his own life
for being so human-like:
easily overcome by excitement,
so impulsive and lighthearted
so eager to go higher
and be more.


You, though
you were my god:
my higher self
the voice of reason
my guiding light.
No flame, however bright,
could even burn your wings
No sea would ever drown you
No power overcome you
under my eyes.


Alas, you fell.
Not for some fearless,
defying deed,
but for a simple comment,
an unfortunate
choice of words.

I know it seems unfair,
maybe exaggerated.
But it happened
in a second -
as the sudden flight
of a dozen birds.

You may be wise,
upright and just,
you may be godlike, still,
but I
I have ceased to be devout.
And thus, you are no longer
someone I look up to,
trust and believe
beyond any doubt.


Now, the good news is:
you're safe and sound.
And since you're down here...
we can lie down together
on the ground.

The wrong music

I was listening to the wrong music
while trying to forget him.

They were such melodious songs
(that I discovered by chance
just after he left me)
and the lyrics
- predictably, yes, about relationships -
were so conveniently adjustable
to our story
that I could not resist.

I cried and cried
every time I heard them
on my daily
melancholy dose of masochism
to and from work
until I thought:
why do I insist?

After all, I had realised
that the reason for clinging
onto the lost him and the lost us
was pure lust
for my own lost me:
he was just a ghost
who had brought back
at last
what I valued most
from the past.

Then I understood
where I could find the key
to free myself from this
depressing carousel:
To hear the music that I loved the most
in the days when we were young -
the days I had believed
he could revive.

What a revelation I discovered!
My fondest memories,
those I wish to cherish
do not involve his presence in my life.
This passion,
this love I thought I felt
thirty years ago,
was really just a con.

So, thanks to Alan Parson's,
I can finally unchain myself
and move on.

All you can eat

Having worked hard
goal-focused for years
steering that brilliant mind of yours
towards the top of the chain
it is no wonder
you feel special and proud
for the good use you gave
to your top-notch brain.


Now in tranquil prosperity
while cruising away
you thrive on
at a steady pace
and smilingly watch
her loving online face
as she blows you a virtual kiss
from back home.

(Even when you travel alone,
as you must,
you know all is fine,
abundance is bliss.)

However,
despite all you conquered -
the safety, stability and trust -
as you dine by yourself
at some neat, fancy place
enjoying the pleasures
of all you can eat
there is a bitter taste
in your satiated mouth:
You know, beyond doubt,
That unshared delight
is hollow,
not merely brief -

be it luxury,
sushi,
or Brazilian beef.