Happy f...cking birthday

It's been months
And I'm still not over the rejection
the frustration, the pain
the anger
- pure rage, I would say -
that all I felt and said to you
was in vain.


But being far away,
not hearing from you,
not knowing what you're doing
or with whom
was definitely helping.


Now, my f...cking birthday
had to come
and make you send me f...cking wishes
for it to be f...cking happy,
just like that,
out of the f...cking blue.


Really?


Now I feel like I need
several f...cking years
to get a grip on myself
to dry these tears
and start anew.

And the irony is this:
Even though you don't want me
and even though I'm f...cked enough
I'd still rather be there
feeling lousy
f...cking you.