Ideally

Inevitably
commotion and disruption have to exist:
chaos needs to take over
and precede tranquility
all beauty stems from a beast.


Inadvertently
I brough chaos upon my life
by summoning
your ghostly presence
from the sleeping past

but you decided to commit the crime of theft:
you took my own tranquility elsewhere
hence there is no right
to where I am now left.

Ideally
I will wait quietly for 27 years
Just like you waited quietly
27 years before.

I will be patient
even though I suffer immensely
and long desperately
for more.

Ideally
You will return,
bring chaos back,
and thrust my rotten peace
with your shining silver spear.

Gratefully
I will welcome
the pain and insecurity,
and despise tranquility itself
just as long
as you stay here.

Icarus

He was not a god
but who cares -
people think he was
and that is all that matters,
along with the fact,
of course,
that he messed up
his own life
for being so human-like:
easily overcome by excitement,
so impulsive and lighthearted
so eager to go higher
and be more.


You, though
you were my god:
my higher self
the voice of reason
my guiding light.
No flame, however bright,
could even burn your wings
No sea would ever drown you
No power overcome you
under my eyes.


Alas, you fell.
Not for some fearless,
defying deed,
but for a simple comment,
an unfortunate
choice of words.

I know it seems unfair,
maybe exaggerated.
But it happened
in a second -
as the sudden flight
of a dozen birds.

You may be wise,
upright and just,
you may be godlike, still,
but I
I have ceased to be devout.
And thus, you are no longer
someone I look up to,
trust and believe
beyond any doubt.


Now, the good news is:
you're safe and sound.
And since you're down here...
we can lie down together
on the ground.

The wrong music

I was listening to the wrong music
while trying to forget him.

They were such melodious songs
(that I discovered by chance
just after he left me)
and the lyrics
- predictably, yes, about relationships -
were so conveniently adjustable
to our story
that I could not resist.

I cried and cried
every time I heard them
on my daily
melancholy dose of masochism
to and from work
until I thought:
why do I insist?

After all, I had realised
that the reason for clinging
onto the lost him and the lost us
was pure lust
for my own lost me:
he was just a ghost
who had brought back
at last
what I valued most
from the past.

Then I understood
where I could find the key
to free myself from this
depressing carousel:
To hear the music that I loved the most
in the days when we were young -
the days I had believed
he could revive.

What a revelation I discovered!
My fondest memories,
those I wish to cherish
do not involve his presence in my life.
This passion,
this love I thought I felt
thirty years ago,
was really just a con.

So, thanks to Alan Parson's,
I can finally unchain myself
and move on.

All you can eat

Having worked hard
goal-focused for years
steering that brilliant mind of yours
towards the top of the chain
it is no wonder
you feel special and proud
for the good use you gave
to your top-notch brain.


Now in tranquil prosperity
while cruising away
you thrive on
at a steady pace
and smilingly watch
her loving online face
as she blows you a virtual kiss
from back home.

(Even when you travel alone,
as you must,
you know all is fine,
abundance is bliss.)

However,
despite all you conquered -
the safety, stability and trust -
as you dine by yourself
at some neat, fancy place
enjoying the pleasures
of all you can eat
there is a bitter taste
in your satiated mouth:
You know, beyond doubt,
That unshared delight
is hollow,
not merely brief -

be it luxury,
sushi,
or Brazilian beef.

I must be saved (Madeleine Peyroux)

Invisible man

Standing there
by the bar
holding your gin
silently watching
people near and far
all those anonymous faces
a gorgeous smile
a funny grin...

you hover above
you observe
and you accept
with melancholy graveness
the fact that no one sees you,
no one gives a toss.

You may be ignored
between these walls
but outside
your convertible awaits
to take you home
where there is love
along with all the comforts
anyone could wish for
and you're the boss.


So, why is there a trace
of longing and sadness
in your gaze?
Is it something
that you left behind?
Or something that you chase
and cannot find?

Furnace

That statement of yours -
Oh my... -
It really did ignite something inside!
I only wish that these flames
could be allowed
to burn wild.

But how can you decide
in advance
whom you're going to spend the night
thinking about?
Don't you know thoughts
are commanded by whim
as well as will?
I have no doubt!

But then again,
if you succeeded in harnessing
your mental activity
according to the plan,
I hope that your emotions
got the better of you
and that the next time we meet
our fire hits the fan.

Happy f...cking birthday

It's been months
And I'm still not over the rejection
the frustration, the pain
the anger
- pure rage, I would say -
that all I felt and said to you
was in vain.


But being far away,
not hearing from you,
not knowing what you're doing
or with whom
was definitely helping.


Now, my f...cking birthday
had to come
and make you send me f...cking wishes
for it to be f...cking happy,
just like that,
out of the f...cking blue.


Really?


Now I feel like I need
several f...cking years
to get a grip on myself
to dry these tears
and start anew.

And the irony is this:
Even though you don't want me
and even though I'm f...cked enough
I'd still rather be there
feeling lousy
f...cking you.

Mirror, mirror

Mirror, mirror
on the wall

tell me, please,
will I keep standing
if my certainties crumble
and my principles sprawl?
Will I endure,
maintain my poise,
or will I have to kneel
and crawl?

Mirror, mirror
on the wall

when all my desires
conspire to seize me
and allure me
with their call,
will I then be able
to look you in the eye
even if I feel
like risking a fall?

Mirror, mirror
on the wall

Will I remain serene
and civilized
as I blow it all,
will I be appeased
or come to break you
into petty little pieces
the day my reflection
releases me

from this chain
and heavy ball?

The hardest challenge

There are many things
that limit our actions,
you said,
but many more
that challenge us.

And I drew a new strength
from your confidence.

My love for you
 grows in inverse proportion
to the time we have left,
you wrote.

And I drew a strange comfort
from that blow.

Miracles happen,
you used to repeat.
Tsunamis too.

But waiting
simply waiting
wouldn't do.

So, the courage you lacked
to change your life
I took
and changed mine
for you                              (...?)


But perhaps the hardest challenge
the most impressive strength
lies in resisting
remaining
like you do:

unchanged
unfulfilled
wanting
but unwilling
to make your dreams
come true.

No

No, I am not going
to write a poem
this time.

There's no point
anymore
no reason or rhyme
to lay out my pangs
in a neat
verbal line

to polish your ego
make it shine

to appease the desire
to make you mine.

On the beach

Engrossed and thrilled
we were both drawing
beautiful shapes
on the smooth, wet sand
with our witness
the sea.

The textures and lines
we created together
felt like the very bonds
that drew us closer
as we became at once
united and free.


But all of a sudden
you stopped,
stared at the pattern
and declared:
«This is pointless!
The tide is coming in!
What a mistake we have made!»

Then, with rational madness,
you erased our fancy world of fantasy
and walked away towards the shade.

To the redmoongrabber

How gratifying,
my dear,
that you should enjoy wandering
through this forest of woe
that you feel compelled to decipher
these intricate lines
that I sew
once in a while.
How lustfully exciting
to feel the caressing presence
of your eyes all over my body

(my skin is made of words,
you know...)


But on these strolls
of your wise, ethereal fingers
on the surface and the depths
of my powerless being
perhaps you don't see
as much as you think you do.
Control is just as vital to me
as it is to you.
However,
the utmost pleasure
comes from yielding,
not from holding sway.


And grabbing,
by the way,
makes a lot of sense.
It all depends
on the pair of hands.

Twenty per cent

The scenery
–however charming–
had a touch of melancholy triteness to it,
moon above and sea below.
It matched the inevitable presence
of clichés in our words,
I know.


« I'd say 80% of my relationship is fine.
That’s why I hold on, you see? »
You just smiled,
seemed to understand.
But teased me right away
about your trip the next day:
you’d be flying a plane to Brazil…
wouldn’t I like to go?


Tempting.
But let’s take a train
somewhere else instead,
so I stay down on earth
and you're not in control –
I should have said.


And as we kissed politely
for a second
there was an accidental touch
of breast and chest.
Then we parted,
of course.
And I was left to fantasize
about the rest.

In the back seat

Someone's driving
I don't know who.
I only hope
This trip will take me
somewhere new.

There is a mirror
where I could see
Their bright glance
And find out
Who they might be.
But outside
the racing landscape
is mesmerizing,
so I avert
the truthful eye
that criticizes me.

And here I go
Unawares
of my own fate...

As long as someone cares
to be my keeper,
Being a hostage
cannot bury me
any deeper.

Not lovers yet

We are not lovers yet

But I feel as if
we've already
gone that far.
We have only just met
And somehow
you've stolen
the key to my heart.


We are not lovers yet

But act accordingly.
Our minds are truly set
however deceptive
this whole thing
can be.

Two adolescents

looking only ahead
anxious for pleasure
of body
not mind
careless of what
they leave behind.

We are not lovers yet

But we might as well
be totally blind.

The beast

I normally drive myself,
you say.

But this time
It seems
I've got on a train
with a mind of its own.
And in the meantime
your words
of longing and lust
are hurting like spears
piercing through places
I did not remember.

I am curious,
you say.
Anxious to see
where we will be taken,
eager to know
what pleasures await.

Well, the train,
as you call it,
seems more like a beast
to me,
given our state.

It is wild and mad
mighty and huge
and it's speeding straight
into an abyss
that we hope
might be
a refuge.

This beast
at once
ancient and young
has the force of a fate.
And we are both
riding on top
holding the bait.

Lonely lost sad

I feel so lonely here


without you


in my life


I feel so lost here


without your eyes


as my light


I feel so sad here


without your words


as my guide






Do you think we could lose control?

End of story

...

it should never have begun
this story.
We should not have dived in
Head first
into this dark well of emotions
I am sorry.


Yes,
I'll take your hand
and let you guide me to the light
even though up there
at the top
we'll be blinded
by sight.

Walking chaos

You walked in
Like the rest of them
And I barely noticed.

But then you spoke
- was it a clever question
or a sharp remark? -
and your voice
(I did not know then
what I know now)

struck me

somehow.

There was also something
in your shy
but penetrating look
a radiance
a spark
an unexpected tie
that caught me
on your hook

as you are doing now.